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APRIL 2014
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Dear Las Vegas,

It’s been 10 years (officially, as of Feb. 1), since I moved here. When will I fit in? I’ve learned the difference between Lake Mead Boulevard and Lake Mead Parkway. I’ve been here long enough to own an underwater house and remember when First Friday was still cool. But, somehow, I still stick out.

Please help,

Heidi

***

Dear Heidi,

Given the high turnover, you’re not the first to suffer from Las Vegas Outsider Syndrome. To help those in your situation, I’ve developed the following checklist. According to local custom, you have another 10 years — the time by which one becomes an honorary native — to complete each item.

Good luck!

Las Vegas

  • Learn the stealth way in and out of every parking garage on the Strip.
  • Adopt a story about “opening” one of the landmark hotels, to tell when it gets imploded. (Remember, simply having been inside the hotel, in some professional capacity, within a week of its opening date qualifies.)
  • Cultivate strong opinions about policy, but refuse to openly embrace any political party.
  • Remember: Rebels basketball, good; Rebels football, bad.
  • Dress like an Angeleno ... from a year ago.
  • Correct a know-it-all visitor or East Coast columnist on this point: Bugsy Siegel didn’t “make” Las Vegas or The Strip; Meyer Lansky did.
  • Feign reverence for the Double Down Saloon as the greatest dive bar on Earth.
  • Complain about the need for better public transportation, but drive your car to the convenience store on the corner.
  • Recall a subdivision as a place where you used to ride your bike when — of course — “there was nothing out there but desert.”


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Newstand Locations
Pick up your Desert Companion today at one of these Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf or Jamba Juice locations.
Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf LAKE MEAD & TENAYA
7291 W Lake Mead
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PALMS CASINO
4321 W Flamingo Rd
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UNLV
4550 W Maryland Pkwy Suite A
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CARNIVALE
3377 Las Vegas Blvd
The Venetian Food Court
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THE LAKES
9091 W Sahara Ave
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THE DISTRICT
2220 Village Walk Dr Suite 140
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MIRACLE MILE
3663 Las Vegas Blvd S Suite 45
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CANYON POINT
10834 W Charleston Blvd Suite 200
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TOWN CENTER
3645 S Town Center Dr Suite 101
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PATRICK
6115 S Rainbow Blvd Suite 101
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PALAZZO
3265 Las Vegas Blvd, Suite 1600
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TOWN SQUARE
6599 Las Vegas Blvd, South #P-8149
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BRIDGE
3377 Las Vegas Blvd
The Venetian
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BOULDER CITY
Boulder Dam Credit Union
530 Avenue G
Boulder City NV
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Jumba Juice

PEBBLE
1500 N. Green Valley Pkwy Suite 240
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SAHARA & EASTERN
2675 S. Eastern Ave Suite 400
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MCCARRAN MARKETPLACE
5905 S Eastern Ave Suite 108
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NORTH MESA PLAZA
1829 W. Craig Road Unit 3
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CANNERY CORNER
2546 E. Craig Road Suite 135
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WESTLAND FAIR
1121 S. Decatur Blvd
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2376 East Red Cliffs Drive #502
St. George, UT 84790
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