November 05, 1998
DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE BAD GERMAN RESTAURANT? THE SCHNITZEL WAS TOUGH, THE SPAETZLE INEDIBLE, AND AS IF THAT WERENT BAD ENOUGH, THE WURST WAS YET TO COME. ARE THOSE KRAUTS FUNNY OR WHAT?? FORTUNATELY, NONE OF THESE FLAWS ARE PRESENT AT CAFE HEIDELBERG, LAS VEGAS ONLY GERMAN RESTAURANT. BUT AS MUCH AS I LIKE THE PLACE, I WOULDNT RECOMMEND IT TO THOSE ON A DIET.
YOU SEE GERMAN FOOD IS (HOW DO I SAY THIS KINDLY) VERY FILLING. HOW HEAVY IS IT? WELL, LETS JUST SAY THAT ENTIRE WARS HAVE BEEN LOST BECAUSE OF IT. JUST LOOK AT THE HISTORY OF WARFARE BETWEEN THE HUNS AND THE FRENCHIES. GERMANY, DESPITE ITS MILITARY SUPERIORITY, AND TROOPS WHO WERE WILLING TO ENGAGE THE ENEMY IN SOMETHING OTHER THAN A BAKE OFF, NEVER HAD A CHANCE. NO MATTER HOW THE BATTLE WAS GOING, AFTER LUNCH THE GERMANS COULDNT REMOUNT, AND BEFORE YOU COULD SAY QUICHE LORRAINE, THERE WENT ANOTHER CHUNK OF FRANCE BACK TO THE PASTRY CHEFS. SO NO MATTER WHAT YOU LEARNED IN HISTORY CLASS, WHAT THEY WERE REALLY FIGHTING ABOUT WAS FOOD.
PROUST RUMINATED FOR HOURS ON THE PERFECTION ON THOSE DELICATE TEA CAKES CALLED MADELEINES. GERMANS THINK THINGS NAMED ZIEGEUNERSCHNITZEL ACTUALLY SOUND GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT. FEED ONE SIDE A HEAVY DOSE OF THE OTHERS CUISINE, AND OF COURSE WAR IS INEVITABLE. LUCKY FOR EUROPE, ARMIES TRAVEL ON THEIR STOMACHS, AND WITH CHOW LIKE GERMANYS, ITS SOLDIERS WERE NEVER GOING VERY FAR OR VERY FAST.
LUCKY FOR US CAFE HEIDELBERG BRINGS SOME TASTY EXAMPLES OF THIS COUNTRYS FOOD TO OUR DOORSTEP. THOSE NEEDING A SCHNITZEL-FIX, OR A GOOD SELECTION OF GERMAN BEERS, SAUSAGES OR MEATS, SHOULD PROCEED TO EAST SAHARA FOR A PLEASANT DOSE OF DEUTSCHLAND. JUST DO US ALL A FAVOR AND DONT PICK A FIGHT WITH THE PAMPLEMOUSSE ON YOUR WAY THERE.
CAFE HEIDELBERG IS LOCATED AT 610 E. SAHARA AVE., LAS VEGAS, NV 731-5310.
THIS IS JOHN CURTAS
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