March 25, 1999
Here's some Food for Thought
Let's get one thing straight---chefs are supposed to do two things: cook and supervise cooks. They are not supposed to be media stars- or heaven forbid-sex symbols. And I don't care what Steve Wynn or Todd English or their various press agents or their sycophants think---that new black and white tv ad for Englishes' new place in the Mirage is so offensive that it makes those Slim Jim adds look tasteful. I mean is there a smarmier image on televison than that retread babe from a bad Folger's commercial cooing "and I heard he's cute too" followed by English with arms folded trying to smirk or seduce or whatever while he flirtatiously tries to take the breath away from his potential female customers .
The only thing that this shameless manipulation took away from me was my appetite. Next to this lame attempt to keep up with the Mandalays-----that Taco Bell Chichuhua looks like the height of discretion.
I should've seen it coming of course---since it's the natural extension of all this celebrity chef mischeif that the flaks and big money folks have been cooking up for some time now. But truly, I don't care how much of a bohunk this blockheaded, bedimpled, hash slinger is, he should forget the false flattery and get back to the stoves where he belongs. Because if Onda is any thing like Olives and no doubt it is---it is beset and besodden with some of the world's most overwrought, complicated, and ingredient heavy dishes---that are only worth it if someone else is paying.
So there you have it -- a review of a restaurant without the critic having eaten there. Why have I lowered myself? Well maybe because they, meaning Mr. Himbo and friends, obviously want you to fall in love with an image that has nothing to do with good taste. So, I just thought I'd let you know that Mr. English and his cooking are probably not worth your time, money or that stupid commercial.
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