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May 03, 2001
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THIS IS TOO PUNNY

Did you hear about the Scottish Scientists that cloned a dog with a hen and got poached eggs? That’s so bad that I think I’ll have a drink—bartender: another Tequila Mockingbird on the rocks. Oh god, just like Humpty Dumpty I’ve become a shell of my former self…Too many of those and I’ll be looking for love in all the wrong places, like restaurants.

Just the other day I met this beautiful chef and all I could think to say was: Quiche me I’m French. She was baking and instead offered me a dessert of thin layers of puff pastry. Thanking her I said: “Wow that’s the first square mille feuille I’ve had all day.” I asked her if she wanted to go to lunch? She told me she just had Chinese, but sent back to the soup because she found it won ton.” How about Korean tomorrow?” I asked. “Well I do like Seoul food”, she opined. By now I was on a Parker House roll…” Or we could do seafood…I just got a great British cookbook: What Hath Cod Wrought.” “Oh, that’s shrimply awful, she sneered, besides I only eat fish on Fry days.”

I could see I was losing water fast. It would take more than a bouquet of founders to land this little yellowtail. Besides she said things I just couldn’t fathom. She was too deep. Seemed to be under a lot of pressure. And boy could she drink. She drank like a …she drank al lot. Running out of line, I resorted to that old canard: “What’s your sign?” She said: “Aquarium.” I said: “Great, let’s get tanked.”

To make a long story short, we decided just to be pen pals. I guess I should’ve taking her to an expensive restaurant…it would’ve served her right, but like Dorothy said, you can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.

Hey these have been some crumby jokes I know, but it took a lot of crust to say’em. Besides I was getting toasted on all this way. The yeast you can do is laugh for the dough I’m making around here. Some folks are just tough to get a rise out of, I guess. Just like margarine, though, it’s butter than nothing…and this is John Curtas.

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Archives

Nov 24, 2010 | Thanksgiving 2010 - Another Beanie Reveal
John Curtas delves into family history to discover the real story behind Grandma Schroader's Sour Beans.

Nov 19, 2009 | Valentino -- You don't know the truffles I've seen
According to Food Critic John Curtas, no other Italian restaurant in Las Vegas has performed at such a high level for so long.

Oct 1, 2009 | Blow It Up
In at least one part of town, our dining critic John Curtas says the food used to be a lot better.

Sep 25, 2009 | Social Media Meltdown
For our dining critic, John Curtas, social media has started to intrude on dining out.

Sep 2, 2009 | Discovering LOS ANTOJOS
Our dining critic John Curtas finds a new affordable favorite.

Aug 20, 2009 | Chinois R.I.P.
For John Curtas the recent closing of Wolfgang Puck's first Las Vegas restaurant brings back memories.

Aug 3, 2009 | Food, Inc.
John Curtas turns movie reviewer today - but the subject is in his usual area of expertise. Hear his review of "Food, Inc."

Jul 16, 2009 | The Steak That Saved Las Vegas
Dining critic John Curtas finds some steak aged for EIGHT MONTHS and he tells us how it tastes.

Jul 2, 2009 | Bang for Your Buck
Everyone's food budget is tighter these days. But if you still want to dine out now and then, our dining critic John Curtas has a few tips on restaurants now giving you more bang for your buck.

Jun 19, 2009 | Whassup with Wazuzu
Explore Dining Critic John Curtas' love/hate relationship with Wazuzu. If you want to spice up your dinner go for at least a "4 or 5."

Jun 12, 2009 | Two Farmer's Markets
Fresh, locally produced food has become a big trend across the U.S. Our food critic, John Curtas, says there's more of this trend in Las Vegas than you might think.

Jun 4, 2009 | MandM Soul Food
John Curtas tells us about one of his favorite dining spots - a surpsingly affordable one.

May 28, 2009 | Checkpoint Charlie
While fine dining has seen a downturn in Las Vegas in recent months, our dining critic John Curtas says at least one dining legend intends to stay put. Charlie Trotter is standing pat in Las Vegas. John Curtas reviews Resturant Charlie.

May 8, 2009 | Food Festival Frenzy!
It's a time of many food festivals in Las Vegas. John Curtas has an overview.

May 5, 2009 | Peppermill Coffee Shop and Fireside Lounge
A landmark Las Vegas restaurant gets a visit from John Curtas. He takes you to the Peppermill.

Apr 23, 2009 | Thai Me Up Thai Me Down
Thai cuisine is starting to show up in more places in Las Vegas. John Curtas has some recommendations

Apr 9, 2009 | A Gourmet Corner - In Spring Valley?
Food Critic John Curtas takes a trip to the strangest gourmet corner in town.

Apr 2, 2009 | Pip's is a Pip
If you're looking for good dining near Aliante, our dining critic, John Curtas, has found a new place to go.

Mar 26, 2009 | Stripped to Its Bare Essentials
Dining on steak at Planet Hollywood! John Curtas takes you along.

Mar 19, 2009 | Hachi is absolutely amazing!
John Curtas has a find - a Japanese-fusion restaurant on the west edge of the city.

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